Betamax Glitch

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TYOOL 2026 ദ്ദി ˉ꒳ˉ ) ✧

Sat, March 14 - I should've been in the pit of depression rn, but I'm somehow happy and relieved. Why's that?

Thu, February 26 - Fuck dysphoria. Fixed some broken links in the respective section of the blog. There's still stuff to do.

Mon, February 16 - Checked today and I currently weigh 45 kg, my worst physical condition since the peak of Covid. Carnaval is going on right now, I feel generally bad regardless.

Staying up-to-date with the things I said I'd do for the blog can't be my priority for the moment, but I won't give up on any of these silly projects of mine at all.

To soften the mood a bit, I'm glad to say that the theater of my local library is running the second year of their Ghibli Movie Fest by the end of the current month! They're doing me a huge service! And they couldn't possibly know!

Other than this, I feel like questioning my gender over and over again. I cannot sense very well what generally triggers my dysphoria, I just know what it feels like when I'm already going through the things. But that's also far from feeling like I hate my life, myself or certain parts of my body.

My queerness is right here for anyone to see and it's been years since I figured out. But I started considering if, instead of calling myself a transmasc, I should just go back to the enby umbrella, acknowledging that I could be just a crossdresser.

I hardly vibe with queer people of my own generation anyway. Specially in regards of transmasculinity, I never felt like I could relate with toxic or standard "chad" masculinities and I could never fully go for any transitions in these terms, either physically or socially. I can't relate to anything, feminine or masculine, to be honest. But I really don't know.

Fri, January 23 - Yesterday was sweet, despite of my rants -- those were all unrelated to the main schedule either way.

I'll make a proper blog post and throw some pics from the Fest at some point, it's an ongoing event! And it came at the right moment for me to process some personal stuff, actually.

On another note, I've noticed that some of the shared links around here are broken or currently unavailable. I'm going to fix all of em prolly on Sunday, with redirects to a valid URL (either their new addresses or a wayback machine page). So, yeah! Thanks for understanding. The blog is permanently under construction!

Oh, and I also managed to recover and old Goodreads account of mine! Now I'm in the process of exporting my data to StoryGraph -- too many missing covers, bud... --, which I find more suitable to my needs. I'm aware of the AI controversy on StoryGraph, just really have no better options currently. I don't see myself going back to Bookwyrm, so there's no realistic alternative for me.

Thu, January 22 - I want to go back to college but I'm so fucking tired of scholars, pedantry and all those protocols (aka= bureaucracy), jfc. I hate em all to the point I gotta vent -- otherwise I'd implode.

Fri, January 09 - It seems like catbox is down and so are the media I hosted there to recently publish here. Might find an alternative to hotlink later, can't do this atm! Yet, I can't believe my voice crashed their servers...

Wed, January 07 - Once again the theater of my local library hosting awesome shiiii for a whole week, and this won't cost me a single penny! That's a Film Fest which is being organized by the Consulate of Japan in my city. Guess we're really starting the trackings by the end of the month in the best possible way. The hype is fr, heck!

Tue, January 06 - Test :p

I miss singing for Stanley. ฅ(• •マ.ᐟ

Recorded on my phone, file is uncut and unfiltered, you can use this audio for anything other than profiting from it in any way/form currently or futurely available. You're not allowed to produce or reproduce malicious nor hateful variants of it. You're not allowed to train/feed AI (LLMs) with my voice in any circumstances.

Mon, January 05 - Bringing back the tracking of my habits by the end of this month, I feel like this is something that improved a lot my life last year before I completely dropped it.

Yesterday I participated in a survey on the use of neopronouns in the context of lusophone communities, which is being organized by a long-time friend of mine who lives in São Paulo. It was a really nice moment for me to meditate about stuff I've been feeling on the matters of identity lately.

I finally made a "transition goals" folder to fill with some pics hehe' and I'm still really happy with some of the queer readings (mostly mangas) I made recently. These might or might not be indicated in that tracking, once they're all about mature/explicit content.

I don't know, it feels like life's been kind, even when the world is falling apart. And I need that kindness the most right now.

5th day and we have already made it this far...

Sat, January 03 - So yeah, seems like I blinked and we're already in the 3rd day of the year... can't say if this is good or bad, personally. I felt like posting some of my intrusive thoughts just to make an update, but something like that sure isn't going anywhere really. Looking forward to reorganize both my head and my life this year. Wish me luck!

2025

Tue, November 17 - The matrix server I've been using for ~3 years now is shutting down. You'll find me on your emails, until I move and set up my stuff. Check the address in the blog's about page (footer).

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Thanks for everything, Cybre! ♡

Wed, October 15 - Lore-wise:

It makes me feel good just to search for Haku images on the web from time to time. That's indeed the most important representation of a transmasc in pop culture from the last 18 years, tho queer-coded.

Fri, October 03 - Ok, I do understand the place he's coming from as an indie/solo dev, but judging by his latest writings and decisions made (also regarded to Bearblog), I'd suggest Herman to stop spreading Garrett Hardin's fallacy and start to contextualize stuff like "PIRACYKILLS" considering dynamics of power and economics involving the piracy towards (imperialist) corporations. "Intellectual Property" is still Property, which means you have nothing. The corporations do. That's the same mindset behind the individual afraid of the "dangerous communist" stealing their house and car -- and that's just not how it works. I'd also invite anyone who subscribes to this kind of mindset to read Elinor Ostrom's works and to check the vast existing field of research on subjects like Community-Based Resources Management, mostly the African and the South American experience, to demystify Hardin's fallacy. Other than this, never forget that PIRACYENABLES and that this is actually beautiful! (alt link)

PS: I don't intend to go anywhere bc of Herman's stances, btw. If anyone's thinking it's "contradicting", this is not my problem.

Side note: nom-nom bear truly is a mood upon moods right now!

Tue, September 30 - New Pastel Beach release, baaaaaabe!

Edit: that's actually a rerelease on yt lol, my bad...

Isn't it w96-related?

Btw, I'm starting to archive old front page posts (always up to 30) so we try to keep things here mostly fresh and minimal (aka pretty)! :3